Under a Wheelbarrow

span of a small gnat. I can't keep this blogging lark regular at all. It's been so long since my last post I've changed my name by deed poll. I've no news really only I came up with a bit of a business plan.

I've decided I'm going to buy a small plane off a fella I know from Ardfert and start an airline business flying into Farranfore from Dublin. We'll bomb it down in half an hour - 4 hours faster than the trains and then when O'Leary is running the whole show I'll sell him my airplane business for 25 Billion Euros.

It's a winner of an idea. Keep it quiet though. I don't want Bertie copping on to it.

Posted by Paddy MacTurf at Sunday, October 08, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

I was in Christy's last night having a few pints with Tom the dub when a fella approched the bar.

"Hello, could you tell me where Mrs. James O'Sullivan lives ? says the fella to Christy.

"I could yeah. Who's asking ?"

"I'm from the Guinness Brewery and I have some bad news"

"Wha' bad news ? Is all the Guinness gone bud ? " said Tom the dub, half taking the piss half serious.

"Not quite. I'm afraid James O'Farrell is dead. He drowned in a barrell of Guinness today" said the man from Guinness.

There was a silence. Eventually Tom the dub piped up.

"Jassaus bud. That's terrible bad news wha'. Do yez know if he suffered at all ?"

" I wouldn't say too much. He managed to get out of the barrell a couple of times for a piss"

Christy gave the man from Guinness a pint.

Posted by Paddy MacTurf at Sunday, September 10, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

Don't worry about me, I'm grand. My chest is in bits from the fags though. It seems to get worse the older I get. I nearly coughed up my liver last night. Mary keeps nagging at me to give them up but she corks them herself like a train, so she can't really speak, properly, either.

Posted by Paddy MacTurf at Friday, September 08, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

I hardly ever do this but last night I went into the pizza place in the village. I ordered a large cheese and tomato pizza with no fancy shit. So your man goes off cooking it and when it's cooked he asks me;

"Would you like that cut in four pieces or eight ?"

" Four I said, I'll never eat eight"

He didn't get it.

Posted by Paddy MacTurf at Thursday, August 24, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

Hurrah.

Congratulations to Kathryn Feeney from Queensland who was crowned the new Rose of Tralee 2006. She's decent enough looking.

She's doing a live webchat today. You can ask her questions. I've asked her a couple.

Paddy.

Posted by Paddy MacTurf at Wednesday, August 23, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

Dana

Wasn't Ireland a much better place in 1970 ?

Posted by Paddy MacTurf at Tuesday, August 22, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

Do you know the way sometimes the second day after a feed of pints can be worse than the day immediately after ? It's odd isn't it. I suppose it's probably because you're still half drunk the next day and it's only the next day after that the hangover kicks in properly.

That's why I normally go drinking straight away again. I know I said I wouldn't and I would wait until the All Ireland Final but that's the 17th of September. So, i'm off down the village for a few quiet ones.

It's funny how the first day after you say the must stupid things

Posted by Paddy MacTurf at Tuesday, August 22, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

We beat Cork in a scrappy affair yesterday. I must have drank two gallons of porter. I'm falling to pieces. I'm off it now until the final.

Posted by Paddy MacTurf at Monday, August 21, 2006 | Permalink | Comments